{Future Children}

{Future Children}

I know that I haven't met you yet, but I feel as if I already know you.

I can remember being you. Being five years old, not wanting to change my clothes before I ran outside to play.

I can remember aspiring to ride a bike, and being too impatient to wait for my father to teach me to ride a two wheeler.

I can remember not asking to go out and play, going outside of my play-zone, and in turn receiving the consequences.

I can remember getting in a fight with my best friend/next-door neighbor, swearing that I would never play with him again, and yet playing with them that night.

I can remember starting 7th grade. Being thrilled to remember my locker combination.

I can remember my last day of 9th grade, sad to see my best friend moving, and sad to see my favorite school year ending.

I can remember High School, the good times, and the bad. The happy and the sad.

I can remember looking down on myself, and I can remember the joy of knowing what life is really all about.

I just want to let you know, that although life throws many curve balls, that you can ALWAYS take a swing! There is NOTHING that you can't accomplish in life! Remember you're Savior, and everything that He has done for you.

And last, but not least, of all, I Love You. And I ALWAYS will!!! There is nothing you could confess that would make me love you any less!! Know that I am always here for you!

Love Always,

Heidee Miller (your mommy)

[This was inspired by a post by my dear friend, Alyssa Nilson] :)

P.P.F.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." -Marcel Pagnol.

I was thinking the other day about how much I miss being a kid. That there were so many good things going on in my life back then. But then I thought of something. Why is it that we look at the past, and wish that we were there, but we look at the future and fear it? That past was once our future.. I think that we all need to realize what we have going for us at the moment, because when we get so caught up in what we did, or what we will do, we are missing what we are doing. Living.

"The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persisten illusion."-Albert Einstein.

J.O.Y. :)

I feel like I have had so many opportunities to feel joy in my life these past few weeks. :) The word joy has always been one that I looked at a little different then others. I had a wonderful lesson in yw on this word. That it was more of an acronym than a word. J.O.Y. Jesus, Others, Yourself. That in order to find true joy you must focus on people in that order. Jesus, Others, Yourself. It's amazing how true this is. When you put Christ first in your life, you are just so happy.

I had the opportunity to go to a Christmas party for my YSA ward today, although it was mostly fun and games, we did have a spiritual ending. I am so glad that I decided that I should go. There are so many people there that help me feel the spirit and learn more about the gospel.

I also had the opportunity to serve a family.. :) I am so glad that I could do something to help them in any way.

And lastly, I have done something recently that has helped me. :) well. A couple things actually. I have been kinda hesitant to hang out with some of my old friends. It seems that they have formed this bond that I missed the opportunity to be a part of. An opportunity that I would do anything to change. And it is totally my fault. They invited me to so many things, and yet most of the time I would say no. Sometimes having a real reason, and others just kinda wanting to be alone. But have you ever felt like you really really wanted to be in that close friendship you see others have, but been afraid to do something, because of fear of being left out. But I tried and solved that, I hung out with two of my good friends. And I had such a good time. I hope that we will spend much much more time together. :)

The next thing i did was i signed up to sing in the ogden institute choir, to sing in the choir for the CES fireside. :) and man are those lyrics powerful. I thought that i would share them with you, they mean to world to me. :)

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Though my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man'y empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance, now and always;

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure thou art.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fights;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul's Shelter, and Thou my high Tower;

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Pow'r, of my pow'r.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heav'n's joys, O bright Heaven's Sun!

Heart of my own hear, whate'er befall,

Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

4th Quote of the Rainy days... :)

"Remember, 8:30."-Kelly Baldwin.

I love this woman! :) She has taught me so much in so little time! :)
But this quote is something i have remembered so many times. And it has real meaning to it.

Have you ever been upset about something so bad, that it almost consumed your life? Like it was all you could think about. Well. that's what was going on with me when Kelly told me this.

Everytime you think about it, just push it out of your mind and tell yourself i'll think about it at 8:30.. Then when 8:30 comes. You can laugh, cry, yell, think, and talk. But only at 8:30... the first day it may take two hours. but the second day it might take 1 hours and 55 minutes. And slowly over time you won't need your 8:30 time anymore.

I cannot express how grateful i have been for this advice! Kelly Baldwin is truly smart.

So the next time you are consumed in your own thoughts, remind yourself.. 8:30. :)

Hymns of Gratitude.

Or gratitude of hymns rather. I was on my way to work this morning, i have an iPod jack... thing... so i can listen to my iPod through my radio.. anyway. And my fathers favorite hymn came on.
I Believe in Christ.

I believe in Christ; he is my King!
With all my heart to him i'll sing;
I'll raise my voice in praise and joy,
In grand amens my tongue employ.
I believe in Christ; he is God's Son.
On earth to dweel his sould did come.
He healed the sick; the dead he raised.
Good works were his; his name be praised.

I believe in Christ; oh blessed name!
As Mary's Son he came to reign
'Mid mortal men, his earthly kin,
To save them from the woes of sin.
I belive in Christ, who marked the path,
Who did gain all his Father hath,
Who said to men, "Come, follow me,
That ye my friends, with God may be."

I believe in Christ- my Lord, my God!
My feet he plants on gospel sod.
I'll worship him with all my might;
He is the source of truth and light.
I believe in Christ, he ransoms me.
From Satan's grasp he sets me free,
And I shall live with joy and love
In his eternal courts above.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I'll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."
I belive in Christ; so come what may,
With him I'll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sonds of men.

Wow... Bruce R. McConkie really knew that i would like this song on this very day. That last verse is incredible!

And again i thought of MY favorite hymn, well... I have many. But i love
I Know that my Redeemer Lives.

I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort his sweet sentence give!
He lives, he live, who once was dead.
He lives, my ever living Head.
He lives to bless me with his love.
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry sould to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
he lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
he lives all blessing to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend.
he lives and loves me to the end.
He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
He lives and grants me daily breath.
He lives, and I shall conquer death.
He lives my mansion to prepare.
he lives to bring me safely there.

He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, Sweet the joy this sentence gives:
"I know that my Redeemer lives!"
He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
I know that my Redeemer lives!

This time it was Samuel Medley. :) I love these men. So inspired!

I am so grateful for these hymns! And that they can bless me when i need a lift :)

Dreams... to a blog. :)

Sometimes i wonder if my blog is a waste of time. Well, it is. But that's besides the point. It's almost like i'm talking to nothing. It's not like I have a real 'point' to my blog. You know, there are some that have an exact thing that they are writing about. But me being the queen of random, mine has no point. But then I began to think about dreams, not dreams about the future, but dreams as in asleep and dreaming.

Dreaming seems to have no point. But, it does. You are working through your thoughts of the day, which is why most dreams are bizzarr, or at least, are jumping from place to place. And I began to think that my blog is my way of dreaming. Not that i don't have dreams, but this is my way of working through my problems. Because, just like in 2 Nephi 4. Sometimes you can talk your way out of a bad day. You can talk your way into just about anything. Which is just why i blog. I am going to work through my problems. or just give you a good laugh. Either way. It works.

Food for thought of the day.
We all have regrets, but the important part is to have worked through your regrets with our Heavenly Father. :)
Although we all sin, even after we repent, there will always be a scar on our soul, but it is there because we need to remember to never do it again. :) woot! :) I love the gospel. it is true! :)

A New Path for the New Journey

It's pretty interesting how things work out in our lives. But I now have a stronger testimony in how our Heavenly Father knows the desires of our heart. I cannot believe how things came to play.

The other day i was talking to one of my friends. And i told them how I hated not having a calling, that it made me feel worthless. That i like to have responsibility. Then on sunday, Brother Baldwin pulls me aside, and guess what? I have a calling. I am now a member of the Family Home Evening Committee. This in turn lead me to decide to go to fhe. (go figure right?)

And i had SO much fun! More fun than i've had in days!!! I know that the Lord wants me to be part of family home evening. And to make some new friends.

P.S. best moment of the night- 'No. I blog' :) Love ya Erin van Komen! :)

Senses.

Have you ever thought about how amazing our senses are.? There are so many things that without our senses we would never be able to experience. Today in Sacrament meeting the subject of the talks was 'Gratitude' (go figure). And one of the people talked about what things he was grateful for in each sense. I thought that it was a way good idea, and I also thought that it would make me feel better... I've been a little down lately, and it seems like no one is there. :( bummer huh?

Anyway... haha

Sight:
I am grateful for bright yellow quakers against the deep green aspen trees.
I am grateful for the sunsets over the Great Salt Lake.
I am grateful for a newborn babies smile.
I am grateful for Black and White pictures.
I am grateful for the mountains the tower above my house.

Smell:
I am grateful for the crisp October night air, that almost burns when you breath in.
I am grateful for Black Raspberry Lotion from Bath&Body Works.
I am grateful for the clean smell after a snow storm.
I am grateful for the smell of freshly baked brownies.
I am grateful for the smell of a wood burning stove.

Sound:
I am grateful for my mothers voice.
I am grateful for a horses whinny.
I am grateful for the sound of a running river.
I am grateful for the pitter patter of rain on my trailer roof while camping.
I am grateful for the sound of thunder.

Speech:
I am grateful that i can say i love you.
I am grateful that i can say i'm sorry.
I am grateful that i can have freedom of speech.
I am grateful that i can trust my close friends to confide what i speak to them.
I am grateful that i can express my true feelings when my heart so wills.

Savor:
I am grateful for warm cheesy potatoes.
I am grateful for cookie dough.
I am grateful for gooey Brownies.
I am grateful for BBQ chips.
I am grateful for XXX Vitamin Water.

When you think about all the ways that we experience life, you realized exactly why you are grateful for each thing on your own list. :)

Some see the glass half empty...

... But i see it half full. :)

As I've been pondering life these few past moments, I mean, I always joke that it depends on if you drink half of it gone, or if you fill it up half way.. hahaha. But I was just thinking about the things that I am grateful for. And I realized that there are a lot of things that I love. And a lot of things that I am grateful for. :)

I Love Debbie Miller. :)
I Love Kent Miller. :)
I Love Kadee Morrison. :)
I Love Jim Morrison :)
I Love Sandee Miller. :)
I Love Bradon Miller. :)
I Love my dog, Lilo.
I Love my friends.
I Love the Gospel.
I Love Jack's Mannequin.
I Love 2 Nephi Chapter 4.
I Love Matt Nathanson.
I Love Tender Mercies.
I Love 7th Heaven.
I Love Scrapbooking.
I Love the crisp October night air.
I Love Fall.
I Love Life.
I Love Melissa Nelson. :)
I Love Alyssa Nilson. :)
I Love Alyssa Thronely. :)
I Love Trials.
I Love Institute.
I Love my YSA ward.
I Love Sunday afternoon naps.
I Love so many things. That thinking about it just makes me happy. I know that this list will get longer as time goes on. Because there are many things that bring joy to my life. And i am grateful for each and every one of them. :)
Thank You.

Sometimes in our lives..

"There's nothing that I want to do, But try to make it up to you."-Daughtrey

Oh man, I have a million things that I could write about right now!!!!!!!!! AH. ok.. Heidee... Organize your thoughts..... Now that that's over. ;)

Okay, so first off i apologize for my random spaz out of the blog! My sidebar all of the sudden wants to be at the bottom.. :( Sad day! It's probably buggin you.. it's REALLY buggin me! haha

Now, onto a nicer note.. :) As you know, I LOVE institute! Best part of my week. And we talked last week a lot about the Atonement. :) And can I just say, holy cow?! I have never thought about how much My Savior took on in the Garden. It wasn't just the pain of sin, it was the pain of our imperfections and infirmities, emotional pain, physical pain, mental pain. If there is anything that we could experience here in our life, He has felt it. Even how it feels to lose the spirit, He went through everything that we could, so that we could go to Him. Because we can always go to the Savior, because He gets it. He gets it when no one else does.
One of my new favorite scriptures is Alma 5:16. " I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?" Isn't that amazing. This scripture just makes me want to make everything up that I have done wrong, thus making me think of that Daughtrey songs.
One thing that my institute teacher said that I absolutely loved was that he was grateful that the Savior was a Shepherd, not a sheep herder. Because as Shepherd stands in the front of the flock, He stands between you and the wolf. I LOVE THAT! :)

My last thought of the day, for some reason i was looking through my Institute notes, and i found a scripture reference written down that we had learned about. Intrigued, i went to this chapter. And it is now my FAVORITE chapter of ALL Scripture! Not lying! 2 Nephi chapter 4. :) It makes me so happy. It is nephi's Psalm. He is in the pits and he talks himself out of it. I am so grateful that i found it! :) I will cherish it forever!

Star Shining Brightly..

"Friends are like stars. You can't always see them, but you know they're always there."-Unknown.

I think that sometimes it's amazing how our mind works, how we can sooth our own thoughts.

Yesterday i learned that one of my good friends was moving. Not too far, but enough that it would remove the one connection that I still had with her. At first I was thinking. Why would you tell me this now? Why not wait until after you've already moved? There would be less arguements from me, that's for sure. So, I started getting more sad. Man, now i'm REALLY never going to see her. Even though she said, 'you'll be my buddy no matter where I live.', it wasn't very comforting.

This is when the wheels started turning. Out of all of my good friends, I couldn't think of one that lived in my stake boundaries, and yet i'm still good friends with them!..... Maybe this could work....

Just because I can't see my friends, doesn't mean they aren't there. So my Buddy, I guess I can forgive you ;) And you'll ALWAYS be my friend. :) <3>

♪♫♪♫Start Spreadin' the news.......♪♫♪♫

Today I am going to tell you about one of the most amazing trips that I have EVER gone on!!!!!!!

Do you know what it is...???? NEW YORK CITY!!!!! :) that's right people. I had the opportunity to go to New York City for 5 days! with not only my family, but my ENTIRE family! That's right! My Sister Kadee, and her husband Jim came too! (How amazing is that!?!?)

Now, i don't know exactly what we did each day, (they blend together so easily!) But i will try and do my best. There were some things that we did that were 100% for Bradon. We went and saw the oville Family. It was so fun! And we also took Elder Call out to lunch. He is the most amazing piano player that i have ever met!!!!!! Oh my gosh! he can play songs that he has never heard! Like, people will hum it to him, and he figures out the rest. It's ridiculous! I for sure admire that dude!

But here are some of the other amazing things that we did. We went to the top of the Empire State Building.. Yeah. That's not intimidating at all!...... ;) hahaha... you only need to pop the ears like 50 times!! hahaha. And once you get to the top you feel like your swaying way bad, but I don't believe it's because the building is. yeah, they have to otherwise they would topple over. But the emplire state building is like a block wide.. i don't think you'd feel it much. But i think you sway because of the rocket ship ride that you took up there! hahaha. But I couldn't believe the view! Holy Crap!!! :) SOOOOOO pretty! The funniest part of that would probably be my mother. She is TERRIFIED of heights, so the one picture we got of her by the edge she is just like totally scowling haha. :)

We also went to the.... Drum roll please..... OPENING KNICK'S GAME! :) WOOT! :) it was soooo fun! :) And i think that the jazz could learn a lot from how they do their games. Like for reals!!!! they had performances for every time out, everything. SO there was never a dull moment!! it was sooo funn!

We Also went to see The Lion King on Broadway. Which was soooo good. At first I wasn't very impressed with the music. But the costumes were INCREDIBLE! i can not even fathom how all of the characters could pull it off!...how did they?......

We saw just about everything that there is to see. Like, i can't even begin. We saw the earth globe and the ice freeze place that is in the opening credits of The King of Queens. We also ate at the diner that they eat in on Seinfeld. "Monk's". Black and White cookies! Grand Central Station. Wall Street. And we were even their on halloween. And there were many....interesting... costumes. hahaha. We also ate at the original John'n Pizza on bleeker street. Man has New York ruined Pizza for me!.. Now i don't crave pizza, I crave New York Pizza... :) hahah it's an issue alright. but it's SOOO good! :)We also ate at planet hollywood and the Hard Rock Cafe. They were so good. We also ate at this Chicken place called comparo. And oh my heck their advertisements were so funny! Flavor you can't compero! hahah that's a little bit like spanglish to me.. :)

All in all, it was so nice just to be their with Bradon. He was so familiar with everything. And made it all so comfortable. Like you weren't scared about anything! we also went and saw his mission office and many of his apartments.

If I have the chance, i am for sure going back! In a heartbeat! and this time i won't spend almost everyday in Manhattan. Sure it's cool. But once you get out of there, you are like... woah... why did i like that? haha. Oh, and my brother also took me to see the Steinway and Son's Piano store.... oh man.. They are going to be getting a lot of my money one day!

I.....<3......>

3rd Quote of the Rainy days. :)

"If the shoe fits, then just put it on."-Larry Waldron

Man have I learned a lot from this man! And this quote is just what i needed today. This quote has so many meanings. But to me it means that If that shoe fits, put it on, so that you can fix it! Which is exactly what i've been doing the last little while. Fixing a sin that I had done. and you know what, I never wanna do it again. And i just wanna be a 'good girl'. :)

:)

Many a man with life out of tune,

And battered and scarred with sin,

Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,

Much like the old violin.

But the Master comes,

and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand

The worth of a soul

and the change that's wrought

By the touch of the Master's Hand.

Memories. :) :)

"God gave us memories that we might have roses in December." -J.M. Barrie

Have you ever had that day where randomly you remembered this amazing event in your life. Well, that happened to me this morning. And it was almost as if I was meant to remember it. Like it was almost an answer to prayers. I honestly have no idea why i remembered it.

But, earlier this year, about.... February. My YW had a winter campout. (it almost seems weird that I am going that back in time, but bear with me.) We usually go to a Cabin in bear lake, and that is where we went. It's just an overnighter thing. Usually we have dinner, play games, go to bed. And then do some secret thing in the morning of the next day. Well this one was a little different. Our theme was D.O.T.S Depending on the Savior. Which is such a great theme and i loved it. :) Saturday morning they have us get up and get ready to go outside. Now, the year before we had gone sledding, which because of some crashes i'm sure we weren't doing that again. But we go outside, and are just sitting there, kind of odd. Then Brother Hendrick's came out and was talking to us, asking us our favorite food and stuff. (that's not weird at all....) haha. And then Dani Woodward came, and she said "Heidee will you come with me?" (why am i always first.?) She took me around the side of the house, gave me a recycleable grocery bag and told me to follow the trail. Along the way, there were some of my yw leaders. And they would stop me and told me not at any time could i set down my bag. Then they would proceed to tell sins that i had done(metaphorically of course) and would give me a can of soup(which said sin on it). Up to about 10 sins and it really wasn't that heavy. I was feeling pretty good, well, i mean some of the things they said really hit me, but i felt like i could do it. Then i got to a group of 2 leaders, and it was the hardest time for me. I didn't not want to disappoint either of them. They both were crying as they read the sins to me (which i later found out they only cried for me, because they loved me). But I had to keep going. By the end I could hardly lift the bag. And my fingers were going numb. And luckily, i was near the end. My YW president at the time said, you've almost made it. Go to the house. After my shoes were taken off, i walked into the cabin. and my Bishop was standing there. He took the bag from me and said, Hi come with me. We walked up the stairs.

And at the top was this picture.

But bigger than i had ever seen.

The Bishop then told me to lay my sins at the Savior's feet.

So Powerful.

I know that i was supposed to remember this. Because i don't have to carry my burden's, The Savior will. :)

Little Victories!

LOVE this!!!!

"This time, I'll be sailin

No more bailing boats for me

I'll be out here on the sea

Just my confidence and me

And i'll be awful sometimes

Weakened to my knees

But I'll Learn to get by

On the little victories

This time, I'll have no fear

I'll be standing strong and tall

Turn my back towards them all

And I'll be awful sometimes

Weakened to my knees

I'll learn to get by

And I'll learn to get by

On the little victories

And if the world decides to catch up with me

It's a little victory.

They Love me, because I feed them Ice Cream :)

All i can say is that i am one lucky gal. I had the most amazing experience this past sunday that i thought i had to tell you. This past sunday I went to a fireside at the Ogden Institute to hear Elder David A. Bednar speak. That is right, he was there live and in the flesh. And I got to be there. I am so grateful that Lacey pushed me to go. Because for a minute there i wasn't going to (how stupid! i know!) But it honestly was one of the greatest things that i have ever been to. For sure the most spiritual things i have experienced in a long time. The meeting of course started out with a song, which i have not heard that many people sing loud and proud, quite possibly ever in my entire life! Then Sister Bednar spoke for a short moment, and it was very good. Then Elder Bednar began to get up to speak, but then Sister Bednar stole the microphone and proceeded to tell us how well Elder Bednar was with their grandkids. Which was funny in and of itself, but then Elder Bednar said this, 'My grandkids love me for one reason, they love me because i feed them ice cream.' :) haha. He said, i take them to the grocery store and they can pick out whatever kind of ice cream they want, and how every much they want. Then we eat ice cream before during and after Breakfast, before during and after lunch, before during and after dinner, and when they wake up in the middle of the nigh saying they can't sleep i say great lets go have some ice cream. :) I was bustin a gut! :)

But now to the more serious part of things. :)

Elder Bednar said, what would an apostle say to a college student. He said, i decided that i would have a Q&A session with myself in order to help all of you.

1. How do we find balance in our lives?

answer: you don't. It's not possible. Because anytime that you are focused on something it is just logical that you are neglecting something else at the same time. With this he used one of the greatest analogies i've ever heard. A Chinese Acrobat. when they are balancing plates, it is impossible for all of the places they are balancing to be going the same RPM at the same moment. It's impossible without someone else helping them turn the plates.So what we need to figure out is how many plates we can handle. And just be sure not to drop any of our plates.

2. How do i improve my dating skills?

Answer: First off, get rid of any of these 'lists' you've created. Even if you find this perfect person, what makes you think they are really going to be attracted to you by having this list? (we all began to laugh which proceeded to make him say[i'm not intending to be funny, i'm serious!]) :) hahaha. He said that you take that list, and you make yourself that person that you want.

3. How do i recognize the spirit?

Answer. There are 3 ways that we feel the spirit, or receive revelation.

The first is like

sitting in a dark room and having someone turn on the light. There is that instant overwhelming feeling of light. These are the most common experiences that we hear about in Fast and Testimony Meeting. Not that this is a bad thing, but it becomes discouraging to those that have not had those experiences. But it is important to remember that these type of experiences are more Rare than common.

The next type is like getting up at 4 in the morning to watch the sun rise. You can tell when it is beginning to lighten up, But it is gradual, it takes time for the light to become full.

But there is that distinct moment when the light does happen. There is an exact time when the sun rises.

These experiences are more Common than rare.

But the third kind is more like the sun rising on an overcast day. You can tell that it indeed is daytime. But you truly

dont' know when the sun actually rose. It is kind of like dew on the grass. It happens gradually, but you don't know

when exactly the dew was formed. You don't go out and say oh look the dew just came out. It takes time, but it isn't distinct of when exactly it formed. These are the Most common of them all. We aren't exactly sure when our testimony was formed. And that leads us to wonder if we really have a testimony. Just because we don't know when it happened, doesn't mean it's not real.

4.How can i tell the difference between if it is the Spirit talking, or just me telling me what i want to hear?

Answer: 'Quit fretting over it and just be good'

God doesn't put us exactly where we need to go. He leads us. And ultimately we choose.

The most important thing that we can do is just remember to try our best to be a good girl(or/boy).

That is what Heavenly Father really wants.

I am so grateful that i got to hear this fireside. It is exactly what i needed.

I love you all. :)

I love......

Once again, it's late. I really shouldn't keep making my habit be that i only post either at work, or late at night...

we'll see if i can't change that. Anyway. This post in dedicated to my good friend, best. Although she has been in my life for many years, and i may not have recognized it at first, She is my best friend. Her name is Melissa Nelson.

Not only do we have conversations, we have conversations that are hilarious (i.e. today we were talking about school. And somehow it lead to her little sister saying 'lets hit her'... long story short. made me attempt to say 'I have short term memory loss, it runs in my family, at least i think it does... hmmm.. where are they?' But instead this is what i said 'i have short term memory, it runs in the family, at least i think it does, hmm where are they?' Needless to say we were both crying we were laughing so hard) normal (i.e. boys suck)poetic (i.e. we had a whole white board that was our board and we wrote all over) serious(i.e. most any conversation about the church is with her) and loveable (i.e. well.... i love her... maybe she loves me.;])

And you know what makes it even better? Is that she's always been there for me. I've been a jerk sometimes, i'm not gonna lie, and for some reason she stuck by me. We even spent every last day of school together in high school. How many people can say that?

And deep down, i've never admit this really. But i admire her. She is so strong in the gospel. Something that i wish i could be. Her trials have been far harder then mine. And she can still get up in the morning. And she is so humble too. If you ask what you can do, she'll say just listen to me.

Which.. that's a great statement. If there is anything you can do for someone. Listening might be the best thing for them.

I am ashamed that it has taken me this long to realize how fortunate i have been to have her as a friend. I have indeed taken it for granted. But as high school ended

and our lives went on. She has always been there.

As a matter a fact, she is one of two friends i have hung out with since High school let out.

She still talks to me. No matter how crazy i may be. I really don't deserve her friendship. But for now the least amount of gratitude that i can show for her is this. Melissa Nelson, i love you.

And i hope you know that i will always be here for you. And even though i don't

deserve it,i am glad you are not only my friend, but my best friend.

Love, Heidee (heedee, heids, heido..etc ;])

Perfect... :)

"In a world that keeps turnin' and movin' so fast. When you can't hold onto nothin' and nothin' seems to last. it's so good to know that love still remains. Ain't you glad that somethings never change." - Sara Evans

Wow has my mind been going all bazako lately!

There is so much to think about and so many things to decide! It makes me wonder if life will ever become any easier! haha even though, deep down inside, i know it wont! haha

Oh man where do i even begin! I guess i will start with the camping trip!. Yes, yes i shall. Every year me and my family go

camping with my Aunt Denese and Uncle Jeff to my great aunt nanny's

property in Grantsville. :) it's

really nice and SOOOOOO fun! We get to shoot guns (as much as we want) and ride our 4 wheelers! Like no one is watching! :0)This time some of my Aunt Nanny's friends came up to camp as well. And so we had extra 4 wheelers. Me, my mom,my brother, and my sister decided to go to the forest reserve. It was honestly one of the prettiest places i have ever been! and that's saying something! ;) We had to turn around because the roads were getting too skinny and it was WAY muddy. But it was so fun! :) I was truly grateful for the beauty that Heavenly Father has given me. :)

Sometimes it just seems like everything goes wrong. Like you're missing something. Well that's kinda how it's like for me,

or how it was anyway. It seemed like I was standing still. If that at all makes sense. Sure i was doing a ton of things, chasing my tail really. But i still felt like i wasn't moving towards anything. That i was staying where i was. And then something amazing happened. It may seem like nothing but it was a lot to me. In short, a member of my Bishopric told me to seriously contemplate going to the Singles Ward. I have been so hesitant for the last little while, because I don't like the unknown. I like feeling somewhat comfortable.I have never thought that i would have to treat the gospel like i do the rest of my life.

Jumping into the unknown. But the more i thought about the singles ward, the more comforting it became. It could be such a beautiful thing. I've kinda felt like i didn't have any friends lately. And the ones that still talked to me, i never had the time to actually spend time with them, they go to different schools than me. Then i realized that i could make tons of friends in the singles ward. Heavenly Father always looks out for us. He knows our needs and makes

us pursue our way to solve them. And i have to remind myself that 'every little piece to the puzzle doesn't always fit perfect.'-Sara Evans

Last night i was reminded how much i love the Primary Hymn 'A Child's Prayer.' If you don't know that those words are true. I would encourage

you to find out. :)

A Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood! :)

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn life around."-Leo Buscaglia

It is WAY past my bedtime.

But I need to get these things down or I will forget, and well, this is faster than my journal.

Today I spent the day with one of my best friends.

This picture is super old and a picture of a picture.. but..well... you get the picture! :) hahaha.

She moved to Kaysville a while ago and we've tried to stay in touch.

My wonderful night began at this building.

Oh Man do I love going to the temple.

I always get amazing insights that I wouldn't get anywhere else.

As we were sitting waiting to do baptisms, I began to do the usual grab a book and start reading.

Then i decided that I would look for answers to question that I've been having.

So I thought, what questions have I had and the FIRST thing that came to my mind was Patriarchal Blessing. I need to get my patriarchal blessing, but all other thoughts are going to be kept to myself. :)

Of course me and my friend went to her house, ate, played, talked, etc! :)

Today was the best day of my life. Well of my College Life.

Who would've thought that blue salt water taffy's would've added to the stack?

But they did.

Well night has past and now I say goodbye.

Thank you for all of the good moments to this wonderful day!

2nd Quote of the rainy Days. :)

"Why don't you ever make the bed in the morning? The Same Reason I don't tie my shoes after i take them off."-Jim Gaffigan

Oh man this makes me BUST a GUT!

hahaha. I'm just tellin you that I have been trying to tell my mom why i don't make my bed, and i heard this comedian say this and i was just like. In Your FACE! hahaha. That is why i don't make the bed in the morning! It's SOOOOOO redundant! He also talks a lot about Ketchup and Bacon and Camping! :) OH man. I LOVE Jim Gaffigan! Look him UP! :)

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

This again is another churchy post about institute. But I have received so much inspiration because of this class in which I am and will be eternally grateful!

Today Someone's future mother in law came and sat in on our class. Brother Barlow's was of 'honoring her' was to have her choose her favorite Hymn. And she chose 'I Know that my Redeemer Lives.' She said it was her favorite, which Brother Barlow said it was also his. And to tell you the truth it's probably mine. It brings back so many memories. To name one, Youth Conference 2009,

when 8 youth on the way back from the Manti Pageant, fell silent when listening the the Reflections of Christ CD. Our favorite songs.... "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing." and "I Know That My Redeemer Lives." That has honestly been one of the Most SPIRITUAL experiences I have ever had in my Life! This experience lead to inspiration to sing a 6-part I Know My Redeemer Lives.

I could go on for hours of experiences that help me know this statement, but for now I will say. I KNOW MY REDEEMER LIVES!

1st quote of the rainy days :)

"If you ever feel that Heavenly Father doesn't love you, you know exactly where that's coming from"-Brother Waldron

This quote just makes me so happy on the inside. I was so blessed to have Brother Waldron as a seminary teacher. But something else i found is that that CLASS was such a blessing! I got so much out of it because of the input that everyone had :) But i think this quote is almost self explanatory, but it is true. If you ever feel

like Heavenly Father doesn't love you, it is NOT coming from Heavenly Father.. He loves you, and he ALWAYS will and if you don't know that, i challenge you to find that out, RIGHT NOW! :)

Swim

You've gotta swim, swim for your life

Swim for the music that saves you

When you're not so sure you'll survive

You gotta swim and swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching

You haven't come this far to fall off the earth

The currents will pull you away from your love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun

Crack in the armor, yeah

I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun

Choking on salt water

I'm not giving in, I swim

You gotta swim for nights that won't end

Swim for your family as your lovers, your sisters

And brothers, and friends

Yeah, you gotta swim through wars without cause

Swim for the lost politicians

Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us away from our love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun

A crack in the armor, yeah

I swim for brighter days despite the absence of sun

Choking on salt water

I'm not giving in, well, I'm not giving in, I swim.

You gotta swim, swim in the dark

There's no shame in drifting

Feed the tide shifting and wait for the spark

Yeah, you gotta swim, don't let yourself sink

Just find the horizon

I promise you, it's not as far as you think

The currents will drag us away from our love

Just keep your head above

Just keep your head above, swim

Just keep your head above, swim, swim

Just keep your head above, swim.

Jack's Mannequin 'Swim'

Quotes for a Rainy Day. :)

So I have started my latest 'time waster'. :) Haha. It seems like I always want to start a new project when I'm really busy with school.. hence why I don't think my last two tests went that well, and I'm a little worried about my test tomorrow. Again, wasting time on here :) But, my latest hobby is making a quote book. As you all know, I am SUCH a quote junky, and I keep tabs on them. One of my best friends in the entire world gave me a great idea that I should write why I liked the quote and what was happening in my life that made me like it. Ingenious! :) So I wrote this entry in there explaining what it was. So in the future when my kids are having a bad day, or are even just bored, they can read the experiences I had in my life, and how I got through them. I entitled it as "Quotes for a rainy day." Something that's interesting, is it is exactly what I need. Lately I've been wishing that I could go back to my childhood. Back to being surrounded by friends, back to being so deep in the gospel that I could never forget to pray or read my scriptures. Back to when I wasn't jumping sooo deep into the unknown, and then having to live in it. But now as I look at it, by continuing on, I am using an enormous ammount of faith, right now in my life. I am trusting that I will go in the direction that he wants me to go. And then every time I get down, I just remember that everything will be ok. Maybe in future posts I will include some of my 'quotes for a rainy day' because who knows if the people that need to hear them are reading this post right now. :)

I love you all. :) Thanks for listening :)

Thank You :) :)

"My success was due to good luck, hard work, and good advice from friends and mentors. But most importantly, it depended on me to keep trying after I failed."-Mark Warner.

Have you ever thought about all of the people in your life that are not only friends, but mentors? In Sacrament Meeting yesterday our ward councilman, Brother Lolefia, started out his talk by saying something along the lines of, that he was grateful for all of the leaders, from primary to bishops, that he has had through his years in The Church of Jesus Christ of

Latter-Day Saints. And this has inspired me to think back to all of those people, who have helped make

me who I am today. Whether they have had a positive or a negative impact, they have truly impacted my life.

Now, of course, my family has had the biggest impact on who i am today. These are the people in my family that I have been the most close to in the short 18 years of my life.

Debbie Kay Arnold Miller

Ellis Kent Miller

Kadee Miller Morrison

Jim Scott Morrison

Kris Barber

Chris Barber

Spring Thompson

Natalie Large

Dave Large

Kylie Smith

Kelsie Smith

Kurt Smith

Denese Miller Holden

Jeff Holden

Marti Roy Holden

Randi Holden Merchant

Sherrie Miller Hanna

Steve Hanna

Carson Hanna

Karen Miller

Nanny Rowberry

Kent Rowberry

Thank You. Thank You for accepting me, and being the safe haven that I needed at times in my life.

I have grown up being a member of the Chu

rch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There have been so many people that have been an influence in my life that I would never've met if I hadn't been a member of the Church. Now there are some names that I can't remember, and if I don't write your name down, I'm sorry.

Bishops:

Bishop Tate

Bishop Steenblik

Bishop Johnson

.There was also Brother Love, but i was too young to remember

Seminary Teacher:

Brother Benson

Brother Craven

Brother Birch

Brother Evans

Brother Porter

Brother Waldron

Brother Jenkins

Institute Teachers:

Brother Birch

Brother Barlow

Primary Teachers:

Brother and Sister Searle

Brother Nieswender

Sister Beagley

Sister Sutton

Sister Mower

Sister Coon

Sister Sagers

Missing some.. can't think of the rest

Activity Days Leaders:

Sister Sagers

Sister Christie Dimond

Sister Toni Johnson

Again... that's all I can think of.

Primary Presidents:

Sister Tristan Halls

again.. hahah I'm bad at this game :)

Sunday School Teachers:

Brother Ricks

Brother Massey

Brother North

Sister Owens & Sister Hardy

Brother Eby & Brother Sutton

Brother Wheeler & Brother Thompson

Young Women:

Tatjana House

Airyn Reyes

Emma Cloward

Kimberlee Owens

Amy Kersten

Olivia Mendez

Janel Steenblik

Janelle Baldwin

Rachel Wiemer

Katie King

Jessi Hawks

Merissa Goudy

Mariah House

Cloe Johnson

Clair Wootan

Aerin Mendez

Kelsey Jennings

Joana Ortiz

Samantha Gutierrez

Sarah Goudy

Jazmyne Nilson

Christina Provanzano

Sydney Hardy

Ciara Hamblin

Grace Crossett

Shelby Hawks

Karissa King

Mckenna Delton

Girl's Camp Directors:

Kim Wixom

Cheryl Cloward

Dani Woodward

Janae Page

Debbie Miller

Christie Dimond

Young Women Leaders:

Lynette Kersten

Chandra Draxler

Cheryl Cloward

Dani Woodward

Maranda Thompson

Henrietta Archibald

Kelly Baldwin

Debbie Miller

Renee Williams

Laura Hunter

Becky Beagley

Kristen North

Kim LeDuc

Again.. man my mind can't think right now.

Young Women Presidents:

Marla Tate

Brianna Johnson

Janae Page

Thank You, thank You all. You can not imagine the influence that you have had on my life. :) You all are amazing! I wouldn't be where i am today if it wasn't for you. Some of you i was closer to than others, and those select few that new me very well, thanks for staying close to me... even though i am a total nut! :)

So again, Thank you to everyone! :) I am who i am, because i knew you.

"Imagine how different life could be if you hadn't met that person who changed everything!"